For those who celebrate Easter and its subsequent agendas, the period of Lent has just finished up. Lent is a time period where Christians pay homage to the 40 days and nights Jesus spent in the desert without any food by giving up something important to them. Philanthropic work and prayer are also involved, but we’re going to focus on this one element for now. People will commonly give up things like social media, sweets, alcohol or other things they know aren’t great for them anyway. It’s a reset of sorts, a cleanse.
If New York were a person, a Christian, and a good Christian, here are some of the things they would choose from to give up for lent:
Subway doors
The reactive reopening of subway doors when someone tries to pry them apart to squeeze on. Just let them shut regardless of obstruction. Let whatever has chosen — and it’s always a choice — to maintain in range of its teeth deal with its fate.
Celebrity Sightings
Another social experiment aimed at a return to public sanity. What would happen if, for 40 days, no one saw anyone? No Harry Styles on the Williamsburg Bridge. No Paul Mescal at the Bowery Hotel. No Billie Eilish at Pheonix. Just reggos seeing other reggos.
Uber Eats Bikers.
Take those engine-powered, two-wheeled immoral excuses of bicycles off the lethal highways they transform the bike lane into. Uber Eats delivery persons can use regular bikes, and maybe, we could all relax about our pad thai not arriving three minutes after we’ve ordered it.
Closing at 3pm
Coffee shops closing at 3pm. I’m dying to go read and write in Black Brick or Oslo at 7 or 8 while the sun’s setting. They could still make a ton of money by extending their hours, I’m sure of it. Sell decaf, make more pastries, figure it out.
Dating App
Dating/connection apps. What do you think would happen if somehow, every dating app on the market failed to work within the five boroughs? Hinges belonged to physical doors again, and 222 was just a number a $5 East Village psychic told you to look out for. And no, this wouldn’t mean you could put yourself up on your Facebook Marketplace site. I can only attack that thought because I have had it.
