If you’re a server in any capacity, you’ve experienced the following tragedy known to everyone in the industry.  

Let’s set the stage. 

During a shift, you start interacting with a guest who has come in. They are sweet, maybe a little reserved, but so far exhibit no red flags that would hint at malice or unkindness. The two of you engage in lively conversation – they even ask you your name – and throughout your service to them, no problems arise. Their order arrives in completion with the asked-for accommodations made, they seem to enjoy it, and they ask for the check from you with a smile on their face. You’re delighted. You’ve done your job well. You run their card, leave them the check to sign and tip, and shift your attention to another guest as they walk out the door. Minutes later, to finish up the transaction, you grab their receipt to stuff into your book or punch into your computer.  

Then, the heartbreak hits.  

That lovely, friendly person, who laughed at your jokes and drank your drinks and ate your food, well ...  they ...

They didn’t tip enough.  

Everyone knows that servers rely on roughly 20% of their checks for their entire income; it’s a piece of American society as ingrained as knowing what “jorts” are or knowing how a stop sign works. 

Now, assuming off the bat that your customer was a bad person with wicked thoughts and a goal to keep you from paying your rent would be poor form. The weak tip they left couldn’t have been a genuine reflection of how they felt about the service you gave them either because they left satisfied and alive and without any of their claimed allergies triggered. With both of those theories as to why they tipped you below 20% crossed off, there’s only one explanation left to explore.  

The mathematical education system must have taken a far graver downturn than you previously thought, or maybe your customer has simply forgotten how to work with numbers. It’s impossible to say for sure, and maybe you’ll never know, but it just doesn't make sense that they had a perfectly fine experience and left 10% of their tab for you. It just doesn’t! So we will conclude that they must be suffering in the quantitative intelligence department. It’s then completely normal to grow saddened thinking about them in the real world, all alone. And stupid.

You don’t have the time, however, to worry about how that person will get through the rest of the day – let alone the rest of their life – without correctly performing simple tasks like tipping, for you have other people to attend to. Fear not, Waiting... has you covered!  

Hold yourself back from chasing them down the sidewalk, exclaiming your concern for their incompetency, and begging them to relearn simple arithmetic principles for their own good. Instead, have your establishment’s management consider purchasing a selection from the following list of literature, available at New York’s local Strand Bookstore. Then, loan these books to guests who have enough money to buy a $60 steak or a $12 latte, but not a $5 calculator.  

A book of this nature also makes for a great stocking stuffer, especially for the fiscally conservative, who seem to have a strong affiliation with tipping percentage problems in general, it would go well with their coal.